Awkward Sun, Laughing Teal

High School

2009-08-30T18:05:00.000-07:00

Whenever people ask me if I'm ready for high school, I don't know what to say. I usually go with "As ready as I'll ever be" and try to change the subject. What I really want to say is, "I'm ready to get this over with and head straight to college." That's how a lot of my friends feel as well actually. College has been put on a pedestal our whole lives. It's the thing people talk about when there's a lull in the conversation and it's what parents have presented to us with a ribbon on top. I was in the GT program 4th-8th grade and I can tell you one thing. GT kids' home life is jacked up. And 99% of it is from our parents. College is this wonderful utopia where there are no parents. High School is the ring of fire we have to jump through to get there.

My friends and I being worried for high school isn't so much worrying about social situations and stuff like that. It's the added pressure. The grades mean so much more. Which means the stakes are so much higher. The shining beacon of glory that is college can be snatched away from you in a flash if you don't make the right choices. If you don't join the right clubs, activities, classes, or a plethora of other things.

I start this journey in 9 days and I'm excitedly nervous if that makes sense. I just can't wait to get my life up and going. To experience. To live. To hate. To love. I guess typing those things makes it sound like I've never done them before but believe me I have. I guess it just makes all the difference that I'll be doing those things in high school. Bring it on, baby!

Out of the Fire

2009-04-07T09:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, something very memorable happened. I woke up and went to play Sims 2 as I usually do on Spring Break. I had woken up fairly late already and quickly became hungry for breakfast. I went into my mom's room and I offered to make these really good biscuits we have a mix for. I went downstairs, turned on the oven to preheat, made the dough, and sat on the couch with the paper. I realized that today's sudoku looked really easy so I got up to grab a pen. As walked over to our cup that has the pens and pencils and quickly noticed there was a fire in our oven. It was sparking and it was something I've never seen before. The only kind of fire I've ever seen in real life were campfires and in fireplaces. I quickly called down my mom with the fire looking more sinister by the second. We both didn't know what to do because we didn't want to open the oven in case the oxygen fueled the fire. I shut our cat in my room so she couldn't be harmed. Every time the fire looked like it would die down it would just spark up again and get even scarier. My mom told me to get the fire extinguisher so I ran downstairs and grabbed both of them. My mom decided to open up the oven and try to extinguish the fire. I took a couple of steps back and watched as my mom opened the oven door and clouds of white stuff came out of the fire extinguisher. It hit the back of the oven and came right back at us. I fell to the ground thinking it was smoke with my mouth open. Let me tell you something. Fire extinguishers taste DISGUSTING. All of a sudden it was everywhere. I heard my mom yell at me to open the back door so I ran to do that but with every gasp of breath I inhaled more of the white powder.

Even after all this commotion, the fire didn't go out. We finally wised up and called the fire department. I went out in the back and spit out as much as I could of the crap. It felt like it was everywhere in my system. I could see it on my clothes and on my hands. Even when I was breathing outside of the house I could feel it in my nose. The fire went out by the time the fire department came. Three firetrucks came. It was the weirdest feeling, hearing the sirens and thinking, they're coming for us. Of course my mom and I were both in our pajamas and I was wearing my I Have Issues shirt. When they came the men were all business. They shut off the power to the oven and explained to us that the fire and burnt the coil in half. After that they brought in this mega-power fan and tried to blow out the white powder that was covering everything on the first floor. In a matter of minutes some disgusting creepo called us asking if we had had a fire. He identified himself as a worker from some restoration company. The firemen gave us an after the fire brochure and gave us basic instructions. You know how people say when something major happens, it takes time to sink in? Not this time. The second the trucks drove away my mom and I had already gotten past it and we started thinking about the future. My mom went all adult and started calling the insurance companies and such. It was rough, weird day. I can't say that I learned a lesson from this or anything except to get a fire alarm in our kitchen which I had complained about to my parents before this happened. And maybe to call the fire department sooner. I think I'll forever have the image of the white clouds filling the room imprinted in my mind.

Fire has always interested but (hopefully) not in a creepy way. It is so absolutely gorgeous but it is a destroyer. In most, well everything, there is two sides. But fire does not create, only destroys. Maybe that's why it interests me. But when I was scared of the fire it did not look gorgeous or beautiful. It looked malicious and threatening. I think that can be said about a lot of things. Well now I'm really off topic but I think it had to be said. As I sit in a library typing this, waiting for the cleaners to remove the white powder from our house, I can only think of what's ahead and how much worse it could have been.

My Collage

2009-03-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

So I was really bored and decided to put together a little collage of what I want my future to be. I am not the most computer savvy person so please forgive me for it being kind of sort of cut off. The picture in the upper left-hand corner is a picture of New York at night. The large block of text with the title cut off is the description of Finance in my course selection book. The report card is a really poorly doctored previous report card of mine. I really want to get straight A's some time this school year so I tried to make it look like I did. And yes I had a blast with my scanner.

I Know

2009-03-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

I know. I know exactly what I want to be when I grow up and that is the most amazing feeling. I want to be a developmental book editor. As I type this, my head is held high with hope and potential. Editing is something I'm good at. I enjoy it and it makes me feel good, knowing that I helped that person's piece of writing become better. A developmental editor looks at character development and the story overall. I want to be a book editor because I love books and how they can affect people. Books have always been in my life and I know they will never leave. Even when my month is filled with homework, and I don't have time to read, that copy of To Kill a Mockingbird or whatever book I'm currently reading is always in the back of my mind. The thing is, this feeling that I have, this sense of belonging and happiness, is a feeling most everyone has had at some point in their life. Whether or not they pursue it can be a deciding factor in their life. Many times though, it doesn't matter what they want to be. Their parents have already chosen their profession. So many of my friends have had their future set sometimes even before they were born. My friends want to be something that is apparently not suitable for their own parents. And I hate that they cannot feel what I felt a couple days ago. I hate that their parents have decided what they want to be, what college they'll go to, and the kind of person they'll marry. I have known children of parents like this forever. And only now, only in 8th grade, are these children finally putting their foot down. It seems like there are more family issues this year then ever before. Most of them have to do with what these kids will be when they grow up. While I always hate to see a family torn apart by such an issue as this, I think it's good that kids are simply saying no and taking charge of their future. My parents have never forced this kind of thing on me and I am very grateful for that. Oh yeah, if I want to become a developmental book editor, I'm going to have to live in New York. And thank goodness, my parents are cool with that.

Finding Yourself

2009-03-01T11:01:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, 8th grade is a lot better than 7th grade in so many ways. The main reason though, is that in 7th grade, everyone's trying to find out who they really are. In elementary school, a lot of people follow a crowd or fit into a label so they can have friends. In 7th grade, you realize how wrong that concept is. It's a hard transition for everyone, but its crucial to how the rest of your life will play out. I think I started finding out who I really was when I started having less classes with my usual group of friends. When your with friends you unconsciously say or do things just to please them and you don't act how you usually would. I had to make new friends with really nothing to build on. You get thrown out there, but that's what you need to be successful. In 8th grade, you usually have yourself figured out and can do things with a new sense of self-confidence. Also, in 8th grade (at least for me) popularity is a lot less of an issue. Unless your one of those people that just tries to hard to be popular, you can better understand and see that they're just normal people. I'm going to miss 8th grade a lot. I've made some amazing friends and memories that I'll never forget. But I can't cling on to those things or else I'll never grow. Whether it's in middle school, high school, college, or a new job, you'll always have to meet new people and be yourself. It's hard but it's what has to happen. And, I'm kind of happy for that.

Peter and the Laptop

2009-02-27T14:54:00.000-08:00

So in my previous post I mentioned someone hacking into a teacher's computer account. I witnessed that yesterday and I think it's a real testament to the lengths kids will go to to get a good grade. "Peter" is a really smart kid who we all knew was a good computer person. Some of us had heard that he could get into his friends account but no one really took it seriously. He's actually a really nice person that I enjoy talking to in science class. Our school just got new software, some of which includes this program where teacher's can see what you're doing on any given laptop or computer. They can also control it. It's kind of creepy when that happens because it's so unexpected.

The way this software works, you see a small screen and a student ID number underneath it. Mrs. C noticed that a laptop was under a teacher's ID number. Peter sits behind me so I heard most of the conversation when Mrs. C approached him. He vehemently denied that he had done anything wrong. Personally, I believed him, but apparently Mrs. C didn't. She asked to see his laptop and he gave it to her saying
"I have nothing to hide"
Mrs. C brought the laptop to the front of the room and by this time, most of the room was looking at her. Slowly, a smile spread across her face. She made Peter come over to her desk and said loud enough so that we could all hear.
"This is a serious offense because it's a teacher's account."
That certainly got my attention. Peter came back and all these questions were hurled at him. I told people to stop because I could already hear the rumors that would fly around. He looked scared but he kept on saying he didn't do it.

Peter is a good kid and I still can't believe he would do it. He was applying to go to a magnet school for science and technology. That chance has been obliterated. What could have compelled a kid like Peter to do something like that? Only he knows. But I can take a guess. Under the pressure from his peers, parents, and others, there was no where else to turn. When you're broken down emotionally, crazy things all of a sudden seem very rational. Let this be a warning to kids to think about their actions before they do drastic things like this. An offense like this could result in suspension, even expulsion. And nothing is worth that, no matter how it may seem at the time.

An Outlet

2009-02-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

Everyday, I watch my friends around me sink to new lows to get that grade. To get that extra boost that they know will help them succeed. When you go to elementary school, you are taught basic morals. No cheating, no stealing, no copying etc. But 8th grade is when it gets complicated. What if a friend cheats, because that is what will keep their parents from verbally abusing them that night? What if a friend does something as horrible as hacking into a teacher's school computer account, just so they can get into the college that the rest of the family has gotten into? You are taught what you're supposed to feel, how you're supposed to react. But it's almost never how you actually do. It is a cutthroat world out there and boy do we know it. Everyday our teachers, parents, friends, and other adults drill into us how important it is to get an A in that class because a B doesn't cut it anymore. I'm taking two high school classes right now and I want to get into William and Mary. The average GPA there is 4.0. It is so scary to think that if I don't get an A in Spanish I in 8th grade, I can't go to the college I want to. For so many of my friends, it's so much worse. Their parents have these hugely unrealistic expectations of them, and it KILLS my friends when they can't provide for it like they want to. I don't really expect anyone to read this but it would be awesome if they did. I just need an outlet right now and it's nice to know that someone out there might be reading it.